I was scared while I was having fun

Substances: Cannabis
By: Annelisa Cohen
E-mail: sgherkin@hotmail.com
Webpage:

I`m eating a bagel right now. Just got distracted`I remembered something that I was previously doing. Every time I type a new word, I get scared cause I don`t know if I am making any sense. I was going to write about what happened to me earlier tonight, cause it was a trippy ass ride. We smoked 1.4 grams, I know this because I was very into the mathematics earlier`I can`t remember what the very beginning was like, but I can never remember that early. It might be because I don`t really know when I was technically high`what does it take to realize you are finally high`is it the stupid remark slipping your lips or the music intensification`what ever it is, I reached that point while packing another bowl. So the first odd thing that I noticed was the deep stressed thoughts that wouldn`t escape my mind. My mind was racing to find out the meaning of everything that was happening around me.

While this was happening, a new feeling was provoked; the aching in my stomach. It was a feeling that I couldn`t explain`it was a sensation; a sensation of anxiety. I couldn`t explain why I had this deep feeling. I was searching for meanings; knowing it only felt real. There were so many things going on around me simultaneously, and everything so intensified that I didn` t know what to think at what time. Somehow searching aimlessly, I found a simple explanation for the feeling that was twisting my stomach. Somebody was watching me unseen. I couldn` t explain how or why, but somebody or something was watching my every move; seeping into my skin. The phone rang. My hand picked up the phone while my mind was somewhere else. I had no idea who it was, but eventually I connected the familiar voice to Ryan. I don`t remember much of our conversation, but only because I was warped into everything else that was happening to me. We had the usual passive dialogue. I glanced at the clock; I look again realizing that only ten minutes did we start smoking. I look at the table and the bowl wasn`t even finished. I smile satisfied. Recognizing that I was still in a conversation, I remember what my task was on the computer.

Lately, a lot of people have been talking about shrooms and past experiences. This influenced that desire upon all of us that makes us want to experience everything. Some people around me have recently responded to this desire and are now open minded to the idea of shrooms. In my case, I have already established a defined wall against any alternate drug. But I realized that isn`t the case for everybody. It is an extremely manipulating feeling and is difficult to ignore. I don`t criticize those that choose to experiment, I just don`t think I could handle it. The point to all of this was to explain that I was looking up information about shrooms, so I could make sure that I was cool with my friends doing this. Even though I didn`t read anything about the web site address, I subconsciously clicked on it.

I was shocked when I realized that I was still talking to Ryan, even though only a minute or two passed. I looked at the web sight that showed up and all I saw was random righting. I started to read and it was some random conversation with some random people. There was no outline of the conversation, it was unfinished comments without any purpose. My mind was racing with so many different thoughts and explanations. A convenient thought popped into my head, The Ring. There is a virus infecting any given computer. I somehow opened a creepy website that I couldn`t explain. This creepy feeling was being intensified by the stoner music ringing in my head. The web site was something that I couldn`t take my eyes away from. It was some psychotic person sending me an email, watching me, and knowing what I was reading and feeling. I felt like I was the hunted in a scary movie. I ended my conversation with Ryan after telling him about what I was experiencing.

Miko knocked on the door, only the pound on the door was like a gun shooting in my head. As I protect myself, Miko comes in and I tell my experience to everybody. We all rated our highness, Miko was an eight, Hilary was a fifteen (good band), and I was a hundred and eight. I don`t remember Miko leaving, but the door was closed and nobody was talking. We were all somewhere else. I`m still talking, but I don`t know what I`m saying. I almost break down because the song was too disturbing because I felt too many creepy feelings at once. My mind had a velocity that I have never experienced before. I wanted everybody else to know what I was thinking and hopefully be enlightened.

I started talking about my experience. Hilary was relating and Elissa didn`t know what to think. I had so many theories about weed and that the affects are much deeper than we really realize. These thoughts were so intense, I was scaring Elissa, so we went into the living room. I was telling Hilary that weed isn`t something different for each, but was all the same even though there are so many different levels and experiences. As I was explaining my theory, Hilary is relating and we hear Elissa`s phone ring. We both lost our train of thought and crashed to the floor by laughter. I think of a new theory. It takes so much to concentrate that if any little thing interferes, the brain will be fixed on the distraction leaving the lips perplexed. Even though both of us understood what I was thinking, I need to tell my discovery.

We had to recall the point of the conversation every other sentence. Finally feeling satisfied that I had talked about that theory in full depth, I remember my original theory. Being high is all the same. Everybody experiences similar situations. The only thing that changes is the different levels of being high. I am assuming this from sharing stories with my friends, and then looking up explanations on a web site. `But marijuana can intensify latent, suppressed fears, that were already existing.` (That is from this web site). There you go, so what are these suppressed fears that already existed. The first time I tripped hardcore, I was freaked out because I thought I was going to die, and I was questioning who my family and loved ones are and what they really meant to me in a wider aspect. I felt of no importance and there is no explanation to my life. Are these the suppressed fears that already exist.

I have had similar experiences like this but tonight I tripped differently with unusual feelings. I felt scared because I felt somebody wanted to get me and was staring at me while I was oblivious. I could justify the first suppressed fear to some extent, but not this one. Perhaps it was a fear that I never understood, so I never even considered. I don`t know what to think of this. There was a major difference between these two experiences. The first time, I was so scared that I wanted it to stop but I thought it never would. This time, I was scared while I was having fun knowing that it would end soon. I just got so lost in my thoughts that I don`t know where I was, but I think I explained most of it, because I think I got a bagel when Hilary and I were done being all psychological.